Do you like money? If so, we're soulmates. But there are other people out there who also like money, and if you don't buy my stupid eBook, they're going to have it all and you won't! Wouldn't that suck?
Thank goodness you found my stupid eBook. I'm going to introduce you to an opportunity so lucrative I have to use ass-ugly fonts. This isn't one of those other eBooks by total posers who can't back their offers up. You can tell I'm serious because I use lots of exclamation points!!!!!!!!
I'm not going to tell you what's in my stupid eBook until you buy it, because then anybody could see, and my stupid eBook is only for special people like you. You're probably thinking,
"But wait! How do I know it's lucrative if you won't tell me what it is?"
I applaud your skepticism, because it means that you're just the sort of bright cookie who can make it with my proven system. That's right, it's proven and it's a system. In case you need checkboxes to be convinced, my stupid eBook is:
Warning!!! My stupid eBook is only for people who want to make lots of money without doing any hard work! You can tell that last sentence is important because it's yellow. If you don't like money, or you enjoy boring hard work, leave immediately!
You might be wondering why I'm trying to sell you my secret instead of using it myself to make money. It's that doubting attitude that has kept you from making millions so far! Besides, as you will see below, I already have too much money! I can prove it!!!
Don't take my word for it. Here's a real screenshot of my Yahoo Publisher Network earnings before I woke up this morning!
How do you know it's real? Because it's impossible to fake a screenshot and if you read it on the Internet, it must be true. That's right, I made infinity dollars in my sleep. Besides, that's just too much money to make up!
If that screenshot weren't real, then how could I buy all this cool stuff, huh, wise guy? Look at all the expensive things I bought just in the last week, which prove how much better my stupid eBook is than all those loser eBooks with pictures of mansions and sports cars:
|My Aircraft CarrierThis is how I roll. Er, float. Buy my stupid eBook and never settle for a sports car again.|
|The Planet MarsAnd you were impressed with the guys who own islands? Ha!|
|SupermanDon't you hate it when your servants are slow to fetch you a beer? Almost makes you want to get up and walk to the fridge yourself. Follow my system and you too can buy Superman to fetch your beer lickety split. Cold, too.|
|AustraliaThe other day I was reflecting on existence when I realized I didn't have enough marsupials in my life, so I bought Australia. Don't you wish you had that kind of buying power? Buy my stupid eBook and you definitely will.|
I know what you're thinking:
"If this is so lucrative, it must be too hard for little old me!"Don't worry, my proven system takes no brains at all. Just look at these testimonials from real, ordinary people just like you who've made it big:
|"Kyle won't be laughing when I wave my thousand dollars cash in his face!"
Eric from Colorado
|"I've been working for years to achieve my goal and always fallen a little short. Not this time. Thanks, stupid eBook!"
Wile from Arizona
|"I buy eBooks!"
Ralph from Springfield
|"I been makin' millions ever since I found this stupid eBook on the Google and downloadified it from the Internets."
George from Washington, D.C.
It couldn't be easier! Here's all you need to rake in millions:
If you don't have the ferret yet, don't sweat it. You can just buy one through my affiliate link after you get started. Don't ask what it's for.
Normally my stupid eBook sells for $152,000, but for today only I'm offering it to you for only $499!!! You don't need me to tell you what a steal that is!!! Some poor saps think a penny saved is a penny earned, but you know $151,501 saved is $151,501 earned!!!
This is a limited time offer!!!
This secret is so valuable I'm only selling 50 copies and the first 49 are gone! Really, honest! What are you waiting for???
Oh, yeah. An order form.
There isn't one.